The Future's Bright.....
myspace
Flickr - Latest Photos
The 'Men's Club' Emotions Experience
posted Thursday, 29 September 2005
With Puffy / Stiggy kindly inviting to join the priveleged gathering of intellectuals that is The Men's Club, I just couldn't really say no. After all, Will can be very persuasive. Just ask the future Mrs P / S. The evidence is there for all to see, and is getting bigger by the day!!
The first topic I get to play around with is the rather girly one of EMOTIONS.
After a lengthy check in the dictionary to find out exactly what these 'emotion' things were, it appears to be something to do with 'feelings' and 'mushy smushy stuff' (really must stop buying cheap dictionaries on eBay).
I have no emotions, so this is a rather difficult one for me. Or, should I say, I've been told that I have no emotions, or at the very least never actually show them. I guess this is a traditional 'man thing'. Men don't show emotions - sign of weakness and all that bollocks. Girls are the ones with emotions. Blah blah blah.
But I like to thing I'm not like 'normal' men. I like to think that I am sensitive and caring and considerate and all the other things a good modern man should be. But my emotions are just bizarrely lacking. Every single one (both) of my exs have been rather emotional people and would tend to either be extremely happy and exciteable, or downhearted / depressed / angry / upset. There wasn't really any middle ground.
Whereas, however hard I tried, I couldn't get away from the middle ground. I'd have loved to have got more into things on an emotional level. I'd have loved to have understood more about what the girlies were feeling, so that I could be more useful. At the very least I'd like to have been able to get angry so we could have had a decent argument once in a while!! In fact many of our arguments were based around the fact that I was lacking in emotions (apart from for football of course - that's different).
I think men should be able to express their emotions and feelings and that they should be respected for it. It's certainly not a sign of weakness in my eyes. Although I think I'm only talking in relationship terms / family terms. Whilst it's to be commended for a man to be emotional around his partner or family, it's still a little different for him to be emotional around his male friends.
For a start, what is a man supposed to do when his male friend starts crying?! A manly slap on the back? Order a pizza? Grab another beer out of the fridge? Fuck knows.
At a recent residential training course, one of our male group cried after receiving some harsh feedback from one of the trainers. Whilst the girls in the group gathered round to console him at first, the men looked around at each other, as if to say one of us really should be doing something useful here!! Gradually the men took it in turn to go over and apply a manly slap to the back.
Then after a few more hours of continued watershed, even the girls were getting a little embarrased by the whole situation. By this point the men in the group had already written various sketches and punchlines to reinact at future moments. Needless to say the emotional chap never returned to the course after the weekend break and from then on any mention of his name will invoke memories of tears. Poor man.
Men know that if they show their emotions around other men, the other men won't know what they are supposed to do. All very awkward.
And then there is the reasoning behind discussing emotions. Celeste will (hopefully) admit that most of the time she only wanted to tell me about how she was feeling, just as a release for her and to let me know that all wasn't well. I think with men, we are more inclined to want to fix things. If a man is emotional it's for a reason. If there is a reason, there must be a solution to the problem. If there is a solution, this solution must be found. If the solution is found, the emotion is cured. SURELY THAT'S LOGICAL!!!! What's the point in discussing something if you don't want a solution to it?!?
So, I think, what I'm trying to say is that male emotions are a good thing, but in moderation. And in the right place and situation. I can't imagine that any girl would want a man who isn't 'manly' 95% of the time. But it's that other 5% of the time that a good show of emotions can really make a man, and, perhaps, increase his attractiveness in the eyes of the ladies.
All in all, it's a very fine line to tread.
For further views and insights on this topic from a male perspective, pop along to The Project Bowl, Naked Villainy, Phin and Down For Repairs. For a lady's view, visit Just Breathe, Fistful of Fortnights, Cake Eater Chronicles and Villains Vanquished.