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The Men's Club Sexy Experience
posted Thursday, 10 November 2005
I can hardly move my right foot and most of my body aches. Which can mean only one thing - it's very late on Wednesday evening, and I've been playing football again. Nearly got into a fight tonight. Haven't done that for years. All good fun.
But let's return briefly to the matter in hand, that being this week's Men's Club topic:
'What constitutes 'sexy' in a member of the opposite sex?'
I could go with the very simple answer and say that it's completely indefinable. But that would be rather dull. And a touch on the short side. So I will endeavour to pad it out a bit. And no doubt change my views half way through the entry, as normal. And then summarise with something that doesn't quite make sense. And hopefully I won't feel the urge to use the phrase 'X Factor'. Onwards....
There are many, many things that can make a girl sexy. Sometimes it will be a combination of things. Sometimes it will just be one thing that is so incredibly sexy it overides everything else. Sometimes it will be dependent on the situation at hand. And sometimes it won't make any sense at all. And it can be based around both looks and personality.
We'll start with the 'situational sexiness'. For me, women that are unattainable achieve a certain degree of sexiness just by the fact that I can't, or shouldn't, have them. This sexiness is infinitely increased if it transpires that they actually fancy me in return. All terribly exciting. Whether it be attached people, work colleagues, friend's sisters / wives, there's certainly something about them. Not that I would ever act on this sexiness. Ooooo no no no.
Let's move on. Quickly.
Lookswise there are a few things I find sexy. European eyes would be one such thing. Eastern European especially. Something about them - distinctive and utterly lovely. Ones that light up when they smile. Stunning. Another big thing for me is girls that smile. I do not, as a rule, find miserable girls sexy. Unless they are pretending to be miserable and pout lots. Pouting is good.
Smiles should be natural, understated and genuine, and be accompanied by a euphoric brightening of the eyes.
Old skool readers will be well aware of my healthy obsession with back dimples. Accompanied ideally with a flat tummy. Not sure what it is about back dimples, but they are quirky and unusual and strangely sexy.
Breasts, of most shapes and sizes, are generally sexy. Especially under a lycra top with no bra. Perhaps. If my good friend Madeleine hadn't worn such tops with such frequency during my formative years I may have turned out very differently. And I don't really do big arses, so anything medium or smaller is sexy by its very nature.
I've discussed the female form many times with my male friends in recent months and have come to the startling conclusion that I immediately look for faults when I first see a female. I believe this is a tactic so that I do not need to try to pull people, thus avoiding the necessary rejection. If a girl has a fault I don't need to try to pull her. So they can't therefore say no. So I don't get rejected. Everyone's a winner.
But with this tactic in mind, it does mean that a girl would have to have no faults for me to find her most sexy. And no-one in the world has no faults. Not least my good self, who am about as Fawlty (sic) as the towers in John Cleese's 'legendary' sitcom.
So, a woman is sexy if she has no obvious major defects, has Eastern European eyes, a nice genuine smile, flat tummy, back dimples, a decent arse and some breasts. Grand.
On to the personailty traits. Being happy is a key sexy personailty trait for me. Happy people smile more, so look fitter. Happy people also tend to have brighter outlooks on life, which I find a very sexy quality. I know how shit life can be at times, so I find it sexy when a girl manages to convince me otherwise.
Friendly and bubbly are other things that 'do it' for me. Someone that can hold a conversation about anything with anyone is extremely sexy. Someone that people enjoy being around. Lovely. 'Easily excitable' is also a bonus, as I'm very much the opposite. And confident, without being arrogant.
And, in no particular category, girls that hug and kiss you lots are unnervingly sexy. And girls that dance well. And girls that flirt like there's no tomorrow. Without being slutty and needy of course. And girls that I see after I've had a few drinks always seem rather more sexy as well.
All in all, girls are wonderful creatures and virtually every girl is sexy in one way or another. But a girl that has all of the above, both in terms of looks and personailty would be my definition of the sexiest thing on the planet. Just a matter of finding her now....
Hmmmm. That summary seemed to make sense. How odd.
Anyhoo, for other views on this topic I urge you to visit The Project Bowl, Phin, Nugget and Naked Villainy for what makes women sexy, and Just Breathe, Villains Vanquished, Cake Eater Chronicles Fistful of Fortnights and The Sheila Variations for what makes men sexy.
But let's return briefly to the matter in hand, that being this week's Men's Club topic:
'What constitutes 'sexy' in a member of the opposite sex?'
I could go with the very simple answer and say that it's completely indefinable. But that would be rather dull. And a touch on the short side. So I will endeavour to pad it out a bit. And no doubt change my views half way through the entry, as normal. And then summarise with something that doesn't quite make sense. And hopefully I won't feel the urge to use the phrase 'X Factor'. Onwards....
There are many, many things that can make a girl sexy. Sometimes it will be a combination of things. Sometimes it will just be one thing that is so incredibly sexy it overides everything else. Sometimes it will be dependent on the situation at hand. And sometimes it won't make any sense at all. And it can be based around both looks and personality.
We'll start with the 'situational sexiness'. For me, women that are unattainable achieve a certain degree of sexiness just by the fact that I can't, or shouldn't, have them. This sexiness is infinitely increased if it transpires that they actually fancy me in return. All terribly exciting. Whether it be attached people, work colleagues, friend's sisters / wives, there's certainly something about them. Not that I would ever act on this sexiness. Ooooo no no no.
Let's move on. Quickly.
Lookswise there are a few things I find sexy. European eyes would be one such thing. Eastern European especially. Something about them - distinctive and utterly lovely. Ones that light up when they smile. Stunning. Another big thing for me is girls that smile. I do not, as a rule, find miserable girls sexy. Unless they are pretending to be miserable and pout lots. Pouting is good.
Smiles should be natural, understated and genuine, and be accompanied by a euphoric brightening of the eyes.
Old skool readers will be well aware of my healthy obsession with back dimples. Accompanied ideally with a flat tummy. Not sure what it is about back dimples, but they are quirky and unusual and strangely sexy.
Breasts, of most shapes and sizes, are generally sexy. Especially under a lycra top with no bra. Perhaps. If my good friend Madeleine hadn't worn such tops with such frequency during my formative years I may have turned out very differently. And I don't really do big arses, so anything medium or smaller is sexy by its very nature.
I've discussed the female form many times with my male friends in recent months and have come to the startling conclusion that I immediately look for faults when I first see a female. I believe this is a tactic so that I do not need to try to pull people, thus avoiding the necessary rejection. If a girl has a fault I don't need to try to pull her. So they can't therefore say no. So I don't get rejected. Everyone's a winner.
But with this tactic in mind, it does mean that a girl would have to have no faults for me to find her most sexy. And no-one in the world has no faults. Not least my good self, who am about as Fawlty (sic) as the towers in John Cleese's 'legendary' sitcom.
So, a woman is sexy if she has no obvious major defects, has Eastern European eyes, a nice genuine smile, flat tummy, back dimples, a decent arse and some breasts. Grand.
On to the personailty traits. Being happy is a key sexy personailty trait for me. Happy people smile more, so look fitter. Happy people also tend to have brighter outlooks on life, which I find a very sexy quality. I know how shit life can be at times, so I find it sexy when a girl manages to convince me otherwise.
Friendly and bubbly are other things that 'do it' for me. Someone that can hold a conversation about anything with anyone is extremely sexy. Someone that people enjoy being around. Lovely. 'Easily excitable' is also a bonus, as I'm very much the opposite. And confident, without being arrogant.
And, in no particular category, girls that hug and kiss you lots are unnervingly sexy. And girls that dance well. And girls that flirt like there's no tomorrow. Without being slutty and needy of course. And girls that I see after I've had a few drinks always seem rather more sexy as well.
All in all, girls are wonderful creatures and virtually every girl is sexy in one way or another. But a girl that has all of the above, both in terms of looks and personailty would be my definition of the sexiest thing on the planet. Just a matter of finding her now....
Hmmmm. That summary seemed to make sense. How odd.
Anyhoo, for other views on this topic I urge you to visit The Project Bowl, Phin, Nugget and Naked Villainy for what makes women sexy, and Just Breathe, Villains Vanquished, Cake Eater Chronicles Fistful of Fortnights and The Sheila Variations for what makes men sexy.