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The 'Men's Club Single' Experience
posted Thursday, 6 October 2005
The question for this week, and a very worthy one at that, is how do you tell if a man or woman is single. I'll attempt to answer this one from the male perspectives, as I have experience (absolutely bloody years of it) of being single and of looking out for single ladies.
So how can men tell if a girl is single? The simple answer would be that you can't really tell for definite from appearance alone. Admittedly I always tend to check for engagement / wedding rings, but unfortunately there's no ring required for generally attached, unengaged / unmarried girls. Clearly, in an ideal world all attached people would be made to wear something that distinguished them as being 'with partner'.
For instance, a large branding on their forehead, or 'Keep away from me' tattooed across their cheeks. Or better still attached people shouldn't be allowed out on certain nights. Would make everything sooooo much simpler methinks. But I've moaned enough about attached people in the past, such as here.
So with the ring being unreliable, what else can a man look for? Perhaps the most obvious sign of attachedness is the proximity of a partner. You'll be able to spot a partner fairly easily - they'll be the one looking at you menacingly, as you stare at his significant other.
Don't be confused, however, if you see a girl kissing / shagging / fellating a man in a pub / club. This does not necessarily mean she is attached. In fact, partners stop kissing after a couple of months of a relationship, so it's a fair bet that any girl you see 'making out' with a bloke is single. Still probably best avoided though, especially if you're in Brannigans.
Hmmmmm, what else is there?
Discussions recently with my male friends reveal that attached women tend to be more blatant if they fancy you. In my case this is true, especially with married women. Whether it's the confidence of having someone at home already, or the desperation to try someone different, attached women can be dangerous. Best avoided.
Also from past experience, single girls in clubs tend to be the ones that are crying / vomiting at the end of the night. Attached girls tend to have left by this point, keen to get home to a cup of Horlicks and a good book.
Another method is to listen out for mentions of partners during conversation with a potential single person. Happily attached people will tend to mention their partner at least a gazillion times during conversation. You can also ask how they are getting home - attached people on a night out will tend to be going home with partner or being picked up by partner. You can also, of course, ask questions about living arrangements / interests / work and pick up hints from the replies you receive.
The final method on a night out is to monitor the 'last dance' song. The song that the DJ puts on right at the end. You know the one - 'I've Had the Time of my Life' or something equally gut-wrenching.
Single people who haven't spotted anyone they fancy will immediately run from the dancefloor at this point and get their coat. Drunk single-sex groups will hug each other and high-kick. Only couples that have been going out for less than two weeks will be dancing romantically, gazing longingly into each others' eyes. So, if you want a single girl, lurk around at the edges of the danceloor or at the cloakroom. Just not around the ladies toilets, as that tends to put girls off a little.
Of course, these methods are not at all foolproof. At uni I spent a whole evening talking to a girl at a club. Things seemed to be going really well. She didn't act attached. She didn't mention her partner. She was giving all the right signs. Then, ten minutes before the club closed, she said that she'd really like to pull me but that she would feel a bit guilty about her partner. She then left me with the killer line:
'Why do I have to meet the perfect man when I'm already attached.'
Not that I'm bitter. No, no, no. Almost forgotten about it now. It's only been 6 years as well.
Moving on - for more views on this subject from the male side of the house, check out The Project Bowl, Nugget, Phin and Naked Villainy. For the feminine viewpoint pop along to Just Breathe, Fistful of Fortnights, Villains Vanquished and Cake Eater Chronicles. Everyone has now put a reply up, so do go check them all out.