The Future's Bright.....
myspace
Flickr - Latest Photos
The Men's Club Upper Hand Experience
posted Thursday, 3 November 2005
Thursday comes but once a week. And yet it's already here again!! Where did the rest of the week go?!? Anyhoo, without further ado, here is this week's topic for discussion:
'Who typically has the upper hand in different stages of a relationship, a man or a woman?'
I think it all largely depends on the person in the relationship. With me, the female will probably always have the upper hand, or will certainly appear to. I'm a fairly placid amicable chap, so anyone I go out with will more than likely have at least an equal part to play in most things.
And as I'm also fairly shy and unassuming, the females would definitely have the upper hand in the 'getting-together' stage. When I go to a pub / club / houseparty etc, I will always feel as if no-one is interested in me, however blatant someone is being. I will tend not to 'chat-up' someone I fancy because I will naturally assume that she will not be interested, so for me to not bother will ultimately save the potential heartache.
So in my case, certainly in the early stages, the female is in the driving seat and I will try to do whatever makes her happy, amazed that she has actually shown an interest. Then, even as the relationship progresses, my unending urge to not upset people or make them unhappy will no doubt mean that I'll continue to yeild most of the power to my other half. Which, I think ,means that my ideal partner will be someone who doesn't take advantage of my good nature, and is equally as nice as I am.
But then I'm not like most men.
With most men I would imagine them to have the upper hand in the early stages. Men, for the most part, tend to be more predatory, and a lot of women bizarrely seem powerless to resist these kind of men. Then it tends to be up to the man as to whether he will bother calling the girl and arranging any further meetings. And if he doesn't call the female would tend to get a little upset and feel cheap, or used, or unloved, or ugly etc. Which would certainly suggest that the average male has the upper hand over the average female in the average situation.
But then as the relationship develops, things are likely to even themselves out. Men will tend to become rather more caring and realise the by making the girly happy thay can actually make themselves happy in the process. Everyone's a winner. The women will begin to appreciate the change and feel loved / special / pretty etc. Then as the relationship develops further, the female may begin to EXPECT all the lovely concessions the man has been making to please the lady. She will EXPECT him to regularly miss football. She will EXPECT him to go out for dinner with her rather than get lashed with his mates. She will EXPECT him to not watch every Premiership game on Sky Sports. And that's where the balance of power shifts for good.
The man may offer the occasional futuile resistance, but he knows the female has won. He knows that if he doesn't make her happy then she can and will make his life a LIVING HELL!!! There will be no sex. No cleaning. No-one to look after the kids. No dinner on the table. No-one will know where his clothes are. And some other sexual stereotypes that I can't think of at the moment. The man has inadvertantly surrendered all power to the female. The game is over. The queen is crowned.
All that's left is the inevitable mid-life crisis, in a desperate bid to take the upper hand back. Which will just make him look like a complete knob. All that then lies ahead is a life of shattered dreams, drudgery, self-sacrifice, insecurity, misery and ultimately DEATH. DEATH I tell you. DEATH!!!
Anyhoo.
In summary, the upper hand can and should change throughout the course of a relationship. Hopefully to a stage where neither partner requires or seeks to have the upper hand on the other. And quite how that summarises the shit I've written above is anyone's guess....
For other, more coherently summarised, views on today's topic visit The Project Bowl, Naked Villainy, Phin, The Wizard and TeaFizz for the male view and Just Breathe, Villains Vanquished, Cake Eater Chronicles and Ultrablog for the female perspective.